Sunday Snap: How I Was Almost Killed By Marauding Cattle on a Trail Run

All's Well That Ends Well, at least that's what the Bard tells us. It was true for today's trail run, I did in fact make it to the top of the mountain on a day when a break in the weather gave me spectacular views all the way around.  Unfortunately, I couldn't lug my big beautiful camera around with me, so for today's Sunday Snap you'll have to be content with what I took on my cell phone. You can get a little taste of the dramatic sky and view however, just from this photo I shot at the top.

 However, here's what I had to slog through to get there! Background: I've been tossing around the idea of signing up for the "Mt. Pisgah Frozen Trail Run Fest" in two weeks. Doesn't that sound appealing in mid-December? The run I'm thinking of entering is "only" 14.6 miles, a decent distance for my first official trail running entry. I was thinking it would take me somewhere around three hours, since I've been timing my trail runs and found I'm averaging about 12:00 miles on anything with significant elevation gain. After today's "dry run" (note to self: there was nothing "dry" about this run) on the trails in question, I am revising my finish time estimate to closer to four hours or more. The trails aren't frozen, they're foot-deep mud bogs! It took me 37 minutes to go the first 1.4 miles. No, that is not a typo.

Even worse, after slogging uphill through these slimy slidy mud-slushees, I smelled the distinct aroma of cow manure. It actually smelled like I was running through a cattle wallow instead of just a trail-turned creek in the wintery rains. So it was no great surprise when we rounded the next corner and my dog Sophie surprised a..... Cow! I took this photo and then realized that there was more than one cow. Lots of them in fact. I was running right through their stomping grounds. A scenario flashed through my head almost as gruesome as the night I was almost arrested in my underwear: Being stomped to death on an obscure trail on the side of the mountain by a herd of cows, and being discovered face-down in a bog of cow manure several months later by some hunters (notice that it's always hunters who discover people like this?). This is when I begin to be grateful that my dog is the Best Dog in the Universe. One stern command: "Sophie! No Chase!" and she mercifully did NOT stamped the entire herd of cattle right over the top of me. It was close though. I had a moment of real panic there. That's okay, I'm rusty on panic.

After that, I turned back to the main trail and headed for the top of the mountain, an uneventful if challenging climb to those gorgeous late-afternoon views out over fog-shrouded valleys.

And so for today's Sunday Snap, I'll leave you with a photo that was not taken by my cell phone today, but one that I took from this same trail with my real camera on a New Year's Day hike last year. It's one of my all-time favorite black-and-whites.

How I Avoided Being Arrested In My Underwear at Three A.M. Wielding an Umbrella

It all started a couple of months ago when we were woken by a godawful racket outside, and hubby and I rushed out with flashlights in hand to find a chicken flopping around on the ground and a raccoon staring at us from a nearby tree. The chicken coop hadn't been closed up properly, and one of the cute but vicious little furry thieves had gotten Gloria, one of our hens. Unfortunately, she wasn't dead. This is the moment that all hen-keepers fear, at least wimpy ones like me: the chicken is not dead. One look at her told us that she wasn't going to make it though. It's never a good sign when your head is on sideways. So did I do the brave thing? Of course I did: I yelled at hubby to kill the damn thing already.

Hubby grabs the nearest chicken-killing implement, which happened to be a hoe, while I kept the raccoon at bay with a rake. Unfortunately, killing a chicken with a hoe at three in the morning is a lot harder than it sounds. For one thing, remember the whole "chicken with its head cut off" cliche? This chicken was flopping around like crazy, I mean like three to four feet with every flop. Meanwhile hubby is running around in hiking boots and a bathrobe hacking madly at it with the hoe and I'm yelling helpfully in the background. Feathers are flying and even the raccoon is starting to look scared of the crazy people. But we did it. I cornered the chicken and hubby beat it into submission. I didn't have the time at the moment to be sad about the fact that this was Asa's favorite chick from last year, one she rescued from being the last baby chick at the Feed-n-Seed store and hand-raised.

So, fast forward a few months and I am once again awakened by some sort of loud noise at three in the morning. This time I didn't stop to even pull on a bathrobe, just rushed out in my underwear and cami, quickly grabbing the nearest raccoon-fending devices that came to hand, namely a big-ass flashlight and a long-handled umbrella. Luckily, this time all was serene in Happy Hen land and there were no fuzzy bandits to be seen. This is where my bad luck began however. As I was trooping back up toward the house, a patrol car pulled slowly into our cul-de-sac. Uh Oh. Maybe what woke me up was a prowler? And maybe he was somewhere nearby in the trees next to our house?

Even worse: the cop car was shining its spotlight around the cul-de-sac and I was nearly naked and carrying two large weapon-looking devices in my hands. Awful scenarios flashed through my head: My kids in tears as their underwear-clad mother is hauled off in a patrol car in front of throngs of neighbors. Even worse, the cops accidentally shooting me thinking I was an armed would-be burglar. Being taken down and tasered before I could even explain what I was doing out there (don't laugh, police in my town recently Tasered an unarmed exchange student in his sleeping bag because he couldn't communicate in English to them that he wasn't a prowler).

So I did what any reasonable underwear-clad chicken defender would do: I hid behind a tree. It felt like a surreal scene from a thousand movies. The searchlight playing along the trees surrounding me. Holding my breath to prevent it from steaming out into the night air. My heart pounding a thousand beats a minute. And then, after what felt like an hour or two, they were gone. I crept up our porch stairs and gratefully back into bed. No one knows what I sacrifice to keep my family fed with wholesome local eggs!

The Ironmom Extra Mile:  Perhaps I should carry a Samurai Sword-handled umbrella next time? Or maybe a light-saber umbrella to fend off the dark side? Check out the Twenty Coolest Umbrellas you'll ever see for more cool gadgets to carry when hiding from police and defending chickens.

Why Is This Woman Running With a Rake??

No, it's not just another crazy person on the bike paths of Eugene! When the kids were younger, I kept a small notebook with me that contained our "List Of Silly Things". Whenever the kids saw something they thought was silly, we'd write it in the notebook: shoes hanging over power lines, a porta-potty going down the road on the back of a truck, a man skateboarding with a cat on his shoulder. It was just one of our fun little things we did whenever we were out, and it also served as a reminder to me that the world is fresh and new to kids. They don't have pre-conceived notions of what is ordinary or not, so while we might see a port-a-potty on the back of a truck and know instantly it's being transported somewhere (maybe to a long line of port-a-potties at a triathlon!), to a kid it's just downright funny to see a potty driving down the road.

But the woman running with the rake doesn't belong on that list of silly things. Wanna know why? Stay tuned!

Hint: It has something to do with this:

Allez Allez, It's the Finish Line!

Just a fun reminder to always finish like a winner...
Warning: brief nudity in the final moments (3rd cyclist)

If you see someone drowning, LOL

I wouldn't want to swim on this beach!

Because You Needed a Laugh Today

I think this just might be one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the internet. I absolutely hate this song, and my fave radio station in town has one DJ who seems to pull the @#! thing out of the archives every other day. I almost didn't watch this absolutely frakkin' brilliant Literal Video Version of Total Eclipse of the Heart'cuz I didn't want the song to get stuck in my head. But I'm so glad I did. Everyone needs to fall down laughing once in a while. Enjoy!